Stretching

Stretching, making something longer, thinner, less durable than it originally was. Changing its form to something that usually can not be changed back that easy. So I guess this is the last phase. That moment you realize another guy is occupying your thoughts and suddenly what you had got used to feeling, that empty loneliness that was left, it suddenly vanishes. Little by little the colours come back into the world, making everything brighter again. You cant help but notice how your lips are slightly inclines upwards much more often and you smile every time you hear the sound of  new message on your phone. Secretly hoping it is him, texting  you from the States, missing you as much as you are missing him in only 10 days. 10 days and my mind is spinning. He is playing it perfectly and yet I truly whole heartedly hope its not a game. He entices me with his words, moves me with his compassion and understanding, thrills me with his fascinatingly smart mind and wins me over with his thoughtfulness. Here is an idea I am not used to, DEPENDING on a guy. Knowing that a guy will pull through, I have never truly been vulnerable to a guy, never entirely. I like being independent, paying my own things and not counting on men because they tend to not pull through - mind you, with that hert melting pupppy face - and suddenly you become the demanding bitch expecting too much and causing uncessary drama. Drama, in male language falls anywhere between out right crazy outburst usually accompanied by alcohol to something as simple as trying to probe into his feelings; encompassing what is better known by the female sex as "intimacy" but I digress.
He is different.
I have faith in him, his timing is always immaculate and makes me smile from ear to ear when I need it the most.

So I guess this means I HAVE reached the final step of a break up, the hardest, scariest and yet the most exciting part of it all.

We've stretched it. To the true meaning of stretching and now its way too brittle. Its changed its shape and it will never go back to what it was. So this time I say we stretch some more, the ultimate stretch, where those fibers that somehow still invisibly bond us set us free. So each person continues on their own path and suddenly, out of thin air the chord simply, undeniably and unchangeably


SNAPS!







Alis Volat Propriis 

Dont tell me our youth is running out, its only just begun

Do you want me to be honest? i just dont feel it anymore. I dont find comfort in anything. I wanna run away for a while. I sometimes question if i have multiple personalities. Ian was right. Let me explain. Shannon and I were at a party and we had certain plans for the night, like get a ride, go to certain areas, bla bla bla. we were figuring out how to get our way and had finally broken it down to an art form and we were JUST about to execute the plan when Ian comes up from behind us. "wow, so THIS is all just a game to you too. We are honestly nothing but pawns in your game" I was in shock, but in  a way because he spoke the truth. It was hurtful to hear, just as it is to type but I digress. We did not want our night ruined so we tried to get Ian to just keep quiet and we did our own thing.  Anyway, Ian followed us around and told anyone we talked to that we saw life as a game and that we were going to use them! I sat there, in shock and I told Ian that I realized that wow, I DID do that. Yet in a way, I always knew who I COULD and who I COULDNT. I always found it funny that my ex boyfriends were always the ones that were worried that I played them. What they dont get is that if I want to hang around someone for a long period of time, its for no other reason except for the fact that I find them to be an equal. Someone I can respect and that can respect me. Someone I can admire and learn from and vice versa. WHYYYY on EARTH would ANYONE want someone the could manipulate? How boring!!
Secondly, while I was sitting there, I sat analyzing how similar me and shannon were, how compatible and equal we were, and suddenly my eyes warped to a sexual gaze upon Shannon. I stared at her until I felt the weight of a glaze on my shoulders. I looked over and Ian looks at me and says " Wow, Hello Evil Doy! I have missed  you!" to which I had no reply. I gazed in shock. He asked me if I wanted to leave, he said he enjoyed my company because even though he felt smarter than most he didnt mind being around me. I smiled, I understood and took it as a warm, whole hearted compliment.