Dont tell me our youth is running out, its only just begun

Do you want me to be honest? i just dont feel it anymore. I dont find comfort in anything. I wanna run away for a while. I sometimes question if i have multiple personalities. Ian was right. Let me explain. Shannon and I were at a party and we had certain plans for the night, like get a ride, go to certain areas, bla bla bla. we were figuring out how to get our way and had finally broken it down to an art form and we were JUST about to execute the plan when Ian comes up from behind us. "wow, so THIS is all just a game to you too. We are honestly nothing but pawns in your game" I was in shock, but in  a way because he spoke the truth. It was hurtful to hear, just as it is to type but I digress. We did not want our night ruined so we tried to get Ian to just keep quiet and we did our own thing.  Anyway, Ian followed us around and told anyone we talked to that we saw life as a game and that we were going to use them! I sat there, in shock and I told Ian that I realized that wow, I DID do that. Yet in a way, I always knew who I COULD and who I COULDNT. I always found it funny that my ex boyfriends were always the ones that were worried that I played them. What they dont get is that if I want to hang around someone for a long period of time, its for no other reason except for the fact that I find them to be an equal. Someone I can respect and that can respect me. Someone I can admire and learn from and vice versa. WHYYYY on EARTH would ANYONE want someone the could manipulate? How boring!!
Secondly, while I was sitting there, I sat analyzing how similar me and shannon were, how compatible and equal we were, and suddenly my eyes warped to a sexual gaze upon Shannon. I stared at her until I felt the weight of a glaze on my shoulders. I looked over and Ian looks at me and says " Wow, Hello Evil Doy! I have missed  you!" to which I had no reply. I gazed in shock. He asked me if I wanted to leave, he said he enjoyed my company because even though he felt smarter than most he didnt mind being around me. I smiled, I understood and took it as a warm, whole hearted compliment.