Never Have I Ever

I cant quiet explain it, or maybe I can. I CHOOSE not to. This time, everything in my life is secret. No one, absolutely no one in this world knows enough about me to know anything. There is no one who knows all of me, and with the little I tell people about me, they cant think bad about me. I show what I want. I feel things, wow. I see things, wow. Its opening up to a new way of being and at this very moment, its all perfection. Its beautiful music, orchestrated madness. I feel enveloped in a sense of security, what are these new sensations? Intrigued by fire, willing to get burned by my senses. It fell into place so effortlessly and suddenly, as if by magic, I had become a mystery. Its easy to be happy with people when you dont have to deal with too much of them. My focus becomes to make their day happier, put a smile on THEIR face.
Note to self : make time for your girlfriends, they love you. I have been neglectful of so many people, I am aware. But i feel that this was a road I had to travel and travel alone. The  sad thing is I'm not sure the mysterious girl will ever let her guards down. I am ready to take it to the next level, each day is an adventure, and yes, maybe I WILL document it, before each day becomes a blur, when the last few weeks of my life have been everything but. I have heard words that sting, that heal, that cause yearning, passion, lust and desire. Ive taste freedom, security and understanding. I have found strength within me and weakness without. I feel I have been too clear already in a matter yet so obscure to many.
Sometimes I wonder why I dont share, am I embarrassed? Or is it simple a personal phase of mine, where I know what people would think and regardless I wouldnt change a thing about my perfect life <3 :)

International Women of Mystery :P :D

Mental Note

Brainwash route # 233313

outcome: unknown
Message: free from the invisible bonds of the relationship.
Outcome: hypothesis is controlled regularized desensitization.
Um, ewww, but necessary and terminal.
Side Effects : None if seen from the "cured" side. Although it is also claimed to induce a numbness, patients tend to lack clear understanding of the contrary - emotional.


...1, 2, 3... JUMP!!! :( (one last tear before I bid thee adieu)............


(sigh)


Let go.

Far - I wanna make you happy :)

woow im flooded with love for him, like wow, and this very moment, wooow. im in bliss., the crazy tight rope between bliss and heartache, because it cripples my heart to think he is so far away, and yet it thrills me to know that I CAN have that bond. I dont know why life does this to be honest. Supposedly, according to one theory, that i dont really agree with, a soul mate would be too intense to spend the rest of your life with, instead they are their for brief periods of time, at the right moment to teach you the perfect lesson. Once that is achieved, they leave. So what was his purpose? He gets me. Its weird for someone to get me. To know EXACTLY how to make me smile. Sometimes he has to push me into it. He KNOWS I HATE loading videos, and hardly ever do. But sometimes hes all sweet and insistent. So I cave to the thought of endearing heart. I watch the video and to my surprise and yet somehow not, i realize that OBVIOUSLY he was going to send me that. THAT one PERFECT song that makes you warm up from the inside out, that the beat flows, that you get lost in the words and how they blend into a human symphony. You are lost, freely letting your soul meander for it self, its beautiful. How could it not have made sense before? Of course it was... :)