Weird

I feel weird today. Like nothing is the way it is meant to be. Like for some weird reason I am sitting at the same desk, wearing the same jacket, doing the same thing I have been doing for the last month and yet, I seem so blaze about it. Everything seems dull today, the colors dont shine as bright and I feel really disheartened. I have been ready quotes all morning trying to find a ray of light:

We cant control the wind, we can adjust the sail.


Maybe its just one of those days, where nothing seems to be going how I had wanted it to. I guess what it boils down to is that I feel like I dont fit. So maybe its time to adjust MY sail. Changes need to be made, I am aware of that sometimes I wonder if I have the strength to endure. Well, school is nearly over - I have two online classes left. Work is nearly over. I feel there are many endings approaching and endings that I am not happy about it.

I guess I wish I was significant enough to leave footprints. I always wanted that. To help someone, to make someones life better. When I look at the state of my life at the moment, I am nothing but a world of hurt that goes out to hurt the world in return. I want to feel loved more than anything, accepted, wanted. A shred of hope that if for some reason reason my wish came true and I magically dissapeared that it wouldnt go unnoticed.