Calm before the storm

Its a roller coaster. A crazy crazy roller coaster. And right now, at this very moment, I am numb. My mind isn't racing, its calm. Its three in the morning and Im glad that i cant hear anything. I can just  hear my breath, and the keys on the laptop as I type this post. I am undeniably lost, confused and in a world of pain. Supposedly tears are the way of cleansing the soul, but when my eyes go dry my heart remains heavy. Maybe its too soon for me to see the light. I hope I will. But at this very moment, when I'm not busy self destructing, I feel peaceful. I wish i could hold on tightly to this feeling but I know the chaos will come again. My mind will get flung back into the what ifs with something simple... but I am trying to not go down that path. I will, eventually and I do not doubt it for a second.


but right now, I find solice in the calm and silence the world irradiates.

“Most people have a harder time letting themselves love than finding someone to love them.” -Bill Russell-