Dear Heart

Ok Heart, enough is enough.
Lets get this show on the road. Throw on some walls, some layers, make them of steel. Throw on a smile, and a swing in your step. Lets go get pretty, lets go show the world that I am fine. Fake till you ARE it, and at this very moment, I don't see an alternative. My mom says that I need to go out with guys, let them pamper me and treat me like a little princess. I don't know about it. My friends say I have to learn to walk before I run. I don't know about THAT either. I don't want life to pass me by while I cry about a guy that never cared. I am just scared that my hurt, will hurt someone else, that in turn will hurt someone else.
Maybe I should give him a chance. He has his heart wide open and so full of love for me. No matter what, he has endured. Its funny that I always talk about how if you truly love someone, you never stop. And here is my prime example and I just push and push and push. Maybe my mom is right. Maybe I should let him show me what HE sees in me. Why he is still around.
I dont wanna run into the arms of another guy but I don't want to stagnate. I dont want to compare every guy to Daniel, cause that will never get me anywhere. I dont know whats going to happen in three months from now, I'm scared, I'm nervous but I would be lying if i said I didn't feel free. Bring on the adventure world. I might stay here, I might leave. But I am ok with not knowing. The only thing that worries me is that the guy who has always loved me feels like his life is slipping him by. I told my mom how I finally had a vivid dream. And it was weird, cause it was like I realized it was a dream, but I let it happen. I was in a HIDEOUS white dress, and I knew it was my wedding. But I didnt want to go. I was scared to see who would be waiting for me, but something just told me that it was wrong. My mom urged me to get my make up on and to start to get ready, but i refused. I felt ugly and I couldn't believe what I was wearing. I asked my mom who I was marrying and she said Andoni. My heart sank. I begged her to let me run away, cause I couldnt. But she held my hand and told me it would be alright. I just remember waking up crying and wondering WHY I let that dream happen. I think in my heart I knew that that wasnt it. And if I KNOW he isnt right for me, then why waste his or my time?
My mom told me that its not usual mom advice, to tell you to get back on the horse. But that I was falling apart and maybe I needed a pillar. Im going to start going to a psychologist, and I could not be happier about that. Maybe this way I can meet new people, I just have to make sure that today, while I put my clothes and my make up on, I dont forget to put my shield around my heart too.....