Digesting

What a crazy night, and right now I am just trying to digest it.
Its true what they say, everything DOES happen for a reason.
Yesterday I saw more into the world I am so desperately trying to push away. It was nice to be able to talk to a psychologist that didn't think I was crazy for feeling things. Two of my friends had their hands out, and they told me they were trying to contain the energy, I could see the strain in their hands, and I didnt get what they were doing. They told me to put my hands in the middle. WOW! It was magical, I could feel energy from both the sides. I sat down even MORE confused. Why does this keep happening?
I am in a room with a bipolar girl, who has ADD and OCD, makes ME feel normal.
A guy who couldn't handle the city anymore, left Mexico, moved to Zicatela, and put up a hostal for 4 years. That was always one of my plans, but turns out, its not profitable anymore, especially in Mexico due to the narcos.
A psychologist that believed in more than just science, but transpersonal psychology.
And a guy who's family has every right in the world to hate me, and yet received me, after a year, with arms wide open. I was in shock. It was as if my night had been created to lead me somewhere.
I had a conversation with the bipolar girl, she told me crazy stories, about how she had an accident and it caused her a concussion that made her write backwards for a year, and she never noticed it. She couldnt understand why the world kept on telling her that. She told me how she got diagnosed with the three comorbid disorders and how she had been on and off with her boyfriend who moved to the beach since she was 12. I asked if they were stable now, and she said no. That she needed someone patient and understanding with her, and he was just stubborn. (note to self)
Next, I talked to Daniel (ah the irony), who had moved out of the city because he couldnt handle it anymore. He told me horrible horrible stories about heartbreak and betrayal that made my heartache seem so mundane and cotidian. He came back, because he was not making enough to live,and his partner of two years, packed up her stuff and left, AFTER he forgave her for cheating on him. Two days later, his best friend, the neighbor, also up and leaves, never to be heard from again. He found out months later she was in Peru and ok. I told him about how i felt that places like that had a lot of magic, it was really charged, and he told me how he had never felt peace like that. We understood each other, and I loved it.
Next the psychology guy and I talked. He told me so much, explained so much. I talked to him about the three plains, and he said that that was true. He recommended many books for me to read but it made me excited. He talked to me about aura reading, but said that you dont practice it just like that, cause its nearly invasion of privacy. He told me that right now, maybe I need to strike a balance. Between the cold heart I can have and the open heart that feels to fragile. He made me smile cause he said I would have a hard time shutting it off, that he could clearly see it bleeding and yet I held my arms wide open. He told me to take that love and focus it or redirect it on the world. We talked about energy and mysticism, the meaning of g-d, how he thought my ego was in conflict. So much, so so so much, but it helped. I hope I see him again. He had two infinities tattooed on his body and the best part, he is a tattoo artist, and agreed to tattoo me for really cheap :)
It had been so long, if not EVER that I felt like I could open up like that.
Next, was the guy who has ALWAYS been in love with me, and i push away every two seconds. He wanted to talk to me, and took me upstairs and I freaked out. He told me to trust him. He started to undress, we were meant to go clubbing, I got so nervous, but he told me to relax, he was changing, not getting naked. I still couldnt look, I faced the wall. He came from behind and grabbed me and flinched away. He looked at me, and said "you dont feel beautiful anymore" and grabbed my hand and took me to the mirror. He was right, I didnt. I wore a sexy sexy dress, to try and change that, but yet, I just didnt. He told me he had never seen me like this after a break up and why? I thought about it for a while, and realized that maybe i saw sex as something a lot more sacred. I was nervous talking about sex in general, porn in general, fetishes, my body, love, boyfriends, commitment.... it all seemed like a world that I was not ready to plunge into.
I couldnt take how uncomfortable i felt and i ran down. The psychology friend said that maybe my biggest problem was that the FAMILY didnt like me. He asked me how i got along with ex's or Andoni's family and wow. They have always loved me, I have always been received arms wide open. This was the first time it was different, and I couldnt handle it. I got why  I was nervous when we made it and I had to say hi to his parents. They hugged me, and I wanted to cry. They were so nice, and sat and talked with us for a while, caught up on my life and told me how much they had missed me. I wasnt even sure how to react to this.
I think there is a lot i can learn from last night. i just need to digest it.