Monday, January 30, 2012

Breakdown

It was crazy how it all fell down in an instant. One moment it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I was sitting up watching the sky, the water glistening and everything was serene. And suddenly, suddenly it wasnt comfortable anymore. It was so vast, I was so tiny, so insignificant and I felt as though I didnt matter at all.
He was on the hammock but he got up and walked over to me and hugged me. I tried to smile and hold back my tears and gasped out " I am a little emo right not" between tears. 

He asked what that was.


 I couldn't answer.


 He asked me what was on my mind. I tried to tell him but I burst into tears. He hugged me from behind while we both looked out at the sea and he said "dont cry, I dont want it to rain" I giggled.

The moment passed. Nothing happened but it was what I needed.


Today I felt an intense connection with a book. From how I found it, to to words, to the ideas and emotions, it moves me. I sat on the bus, reading each word captivated by the feelings that resonated a mirror heart. Each word filled with vivacity and crude truth in sharp shards. in less than two pages, I had to shut the book. I was overwhelmed with a sense of sadness. I hurt for me. For what I had endured all this time. I hurt to see what I had willingly put myself through. I hurt for all the girls who have ever felt what I have felt. I hurt for the girls who, like me, thought they were the only ones. My heart was just filled with hurt and I wept uncontrollably for an hour. I was unaware of the passage of time, blinded by deep felt hurt. I have never felt something like that before.


Two states of just being utterly overwhelmed.

And somehow this song fits in somewhere within all that madness.. I dont know how yet. 



Born to run, baby run like a stream down a mountainside
With the wind in my back I don't ever even bat an eye
Just know it was you all along who had a hold of my heart
But the demon and me were the best of friends from the start







Haha, and now I know...... Thank you for sprinkling some sunshine my way :D

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